Yesterday I wrote a bit about how I felt about religion.
You can imagine my surprise when I opened my mailbox today and found a flyer from the [name redacted] Baptist church, cordially inviting me to their services. It was addressed “Resident.”
One is almost tempted to see providence.
Again, I’m a firm believer in manners, so I took the time to write the [name redacted] Baptist church, thanking them for their concern.
Here is the letter, sent mere moments ago.
Dear [name redacted] church,
Thank you for the flyer I found in my mail. It was unexpected and very welcome.
I was a member of a Baptist church in Arizona and I learned a great many things from church.
But the most important thing I learned is that you should be ashamed of yourself.
We humans are a selfish, arrogant, mean spirited, petty, back stabbing, short sighted, foolish, irresponsible, two faced, ignorant, irritating, close minded, self deceiving destroyers of God’s green Earth.
And you’re part of the reason why.
This is where you’re going to stop reading and that’s a shame.
You thought it was perfectly ok to send me a flyer asking me to attend your church. The least you can do is listen to my reply. If you had a sliver of courage you’d read this aloud during your next service.
Maybe I’m out there, listening to see if you have the testicles.
I doubt it.
Because the truth is, you, and I’m talking about you, Pastor whoever you are, are a grifter.
I mean, look at the money you spent on that mass mailing. I’m sure that money came from parishioners, am I right? Or was it donated by a single, moved by the spirit, benefactor? You know, to get people to come to the church and give more…um, I mean worship.
Maybe you even believe what it is you preach. That makes you no better.
Because even if you live a life of poverty, which is you know, what Jesus told you to do, then you’re still stealing something. Something more precious than money.
You’re stealing people’s ability to think for themselves. When you say God did it, all questioning ends. If you knew anything at all, you would know the beginning of wisdom is the question, the end of wisdom is acceptance.
And that’s what you’re selling right? Wisdom?
Your product is defective.
It had a good run, I’ll give you that.
But it’s well past its shelf life.
Your religion invented a disease and the cure at the same time.
You state on your website that good deeds are not enough to get into heaven.
Which means, we need you, right?
How convenient. I need neither your bible nor your god to be or do good in this, the only world, the only life, any of us ever get.
To waste any time listening to the oldest con in the history of mankind is a tragedy.
I know I’m shouting into the void here but I’ve gone this far so I might as well go whole hog.
To you, the good people out in the audience who will never hear this, I say:
There is good and evil in this world. That is undeniable. It all comes from us. No devil is there lurking over your shoulder, nor angel. There is no one who can hear your thoughts but you.
You still have a duty to do good in this world. We all know it when we see it. You know you do. The bible doesn’t have the answers you need. You don’t need this charlatan to tell you how to love, live, and die.
Go home, pick up a book other than the bible. Any book, just about.
Read it.
Repeat with a different book. Don’t stop.
Go in peace.
The resident.
After sending this off and leaving the unredacted name of the church up for a bit, I was convinced that in dangerous times wise men keep silent. The same source paradoxically advises that even the wise must at times play the fool. I hope I’ve struck the right balance.
I hope I delivered the mental equivalent of a sharp kick to the shins towards the pastor of [name redacted]. More likely, it wasn’t even read.
Still, felt good to say.
